He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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