We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
