Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
