I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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