I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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