I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
