Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
