Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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