it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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