There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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