There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
