I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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