Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
