My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
