pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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