I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
