Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
