We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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