and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
