She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
