no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
