i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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