he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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