Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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