That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
