I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
