Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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