You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
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He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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