dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
