girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
