I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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