I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
