I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
