We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
