Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
