your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
