its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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