how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had sex on a roof
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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