This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
