Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
