After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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