the day after is always just damage control
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
