i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
