ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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