I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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