Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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