when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His hands were made for my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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