That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
