I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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