i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
