So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
