never play flip cup with pint glasses
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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