Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
