i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
