I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
