Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
