All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
