So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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