margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
