As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
