This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
