Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
