Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
