You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
