peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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