I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
